Week I

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Detailed Outline

Introduction to the Four-Week Series: “Project Everlasting L.O.V.E.”

When Jesus was asked what is the greatest commandment in the law, he replied,

37 “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. 40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”
~ Matthew 22: 37-40

We are created in the image and the likeness of God, therefore loving each other is simply another way we show our love for God.  I Corinthians 14 sums up our main purpose in life with one line: “Follow the way of love.”

Relationships are the training ground through which we deepen our practice of love.  Some relationships—like the ones into which we are born!—require more training than others.  So, if our purpose is to grow in our capacity to give and receive love, then who better to observe than couples who have been practicing the art of loving relationships for over forty years?

Over the next four weeks we will examine four principles of everlasting love, as taught by some of America’s Greatest Marriages [aka “Marriage Masters”], that will surely expand our hearts and anchor love in our lives.  But make no mistake these principles are not reserved for romantic relationships.  They apply to all types of relationships: family, friendship, working, etc.  Wherever you are in your journey along the road of relationships, these principles, when practiced, will transform your life and uplift your spiritual practice of loving. 

L – Language of Respect

NOTE: We suggest giving your audience a brief overview of our quest, perhaps even reading our project’s backstory in the book’s cover jacket.  This way, the audience has a contextual understanding for the following sermon material…

After 12,000 miles and 300 interviews, we can report that, by and large, the Marriage Masters declare “Respect” is the #1 secret to their thriving relationships.  We were disappointed with this answer because we found the term “respect” to be oversimplified, plain, and obvious.  However, we missed the lesson all of the Marriage Masters were trying to teach us. 

Halfway through our 12,000-mile tour, we wanted to call off our 20-year friendship because we were so frustrated with one another.  Our relationship had deteriorated to the point where we would cringe at the mere sight of each other, not a typical reaction for two best buds since third grade.  It finally dawned on us that, although we understood the word respect, we had failed to show an ounce of it to each other (for the full story read “Perfect Strangers” on page 165…very funny).  Although respect is a simple concept, its power can be easily overlooked.   We often treat strangers with more respect than we do those closest to us.

To show respect for another person is to honor and show reverence for the divine spark within them.  We may not always like the “human” side of their personality, but we are all children of God, and therefore deserve each others respect.

Researchers have determined four factors that are responsible for the demise of every relationship.  They are: criticism, contempt, stonewalling, and defensiveness (called “The Four Horsemen”).  Appropriately, each one of these factors is a form of disrespect.  In fact, in one study, renowned marriage researcher John Gottman was able to predict whether a newlywed couple would stay together or get divorced within 5 minutes of meeting them with a 96% accuracy rating!  His predictions were based on watching for “The Four Horseman”.  We all have our favorite form of disrespect, which one is yours?

Three Ways to Speak the Language of Respect: 

1. Words of Kindness
2. Listening
3. Keeping Agreements

Words of Kindness
Words are extremely powerful and in close, long lasting relationships we know what to say that will build each other up, but we also know the perfect way to tear each other down.  We are well informed regarding each other’s insecurities and vulnerabilities and can (if we choose to do so) push each other’s “buttons” with precision.  Our opportunity becomes to protect each other with the words we choose, especially in the heat of battle/disagreements.  Practicing respect and protecting one another creates an environment of trust, which allows us the freedom to open up, get vulnerable and take the relationship to deeper, more fulfilling levels.  (Tip: Avoid the words always and never when arguing.  They are never appropriate and always misleading:)

Listening
Researchers conducted as survey where people were asked when they felt the most loved by another person.  The most popular answer?  When someone really listened to them.  This is an easy way to show love, but one that often gets lost in the business of today’s lifestyle.  (Tip: When having a deep talk with someone and your cell phone rings, let it go to voicemail.)

Keeping Agreements
Keeping your word, and doing what you say you will do is an extremely powerful form of respect because it demonstrates through action the invaluable worth of the person with whom you made the agreement.  For example, as human beings our most limited commodity in life is time.  The death rate for people hovers around…ohh, let’s say…100%.  We all have a limited amount of time on this planet.  And there is no guarantee anyone of us will live to see our 90’s.  Therefore, when you make an agreement to meet with someone and you show up on time, you are announcing through your behavior that this person is important to you.  That person’s time and their life matter to you.  Keeping agreements in whatever form the agreement is made honors and respects the life of the people who made the agreements.  But here’s the kicker, as we develop a habit of keeping agreements the real gift is the respect we gain for ourselves.  We can begin to trust ourselves and achieving our own dreams in life becomes easier because we have a proven track record of doing what we say we will do. 

The Discipline of Respect
Finally, respect is a muscle that must be built up on a daily basis.  The strength of your respect muscle will get tested in the heat of disagreements/challenges.  The Marriage Master’s weren’t always perfect, but over the years they practiced this discipline in the easy moments so that when life got stressful and times got tough they were strong enough to demonstrate their love for one another through this beautiful practice of respect.

Sermon Notes

Introduction to the Four-Week Series

• Backstory of Project Everlasting

• Our mission in life is to “Follow the way of love” (I Corinthians 14)

• Relationships are the training ground for learning how to love one another.

• Over the next four weeks we will take an in-depth look at what America’s Greatest Marriages and The Bible can teach us about loving one another, no matter what type of relationship we are in (romantic/friendship/family/etc).

L – Language of Respect (Main Points)

• After 12,000 miles and 300 interviews, we can report the Marriage Masters’ #1 secret to an amazing marriage is Respect.

• Although respect is a simple concept, its power can be easily overlooked.  We often treat strangers with more respect than we do those closest to us.

• Showing respect is to acknowledge the divine spark in another human being.

• Researchers have determined four factors which are responsible for the demise of every relationship: criticism, contempt, stonewalling, and defensiveness (called the Four Horsemen).  Appropriately, each one of these is a form of disrespect.

• Three ways to speak the language of respect:  1. Words of Kindness, 2. Listen, 3. Keeping Agreements. 

• Respect is a muscle that must be built up; its strength will be tested in the heat of disagreements/challenges. 

• The Marriage Masters practice an incredible “Discipline of Respect” for one another.

Scripture

• I Corinthians 13:4 – Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered… It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Stories

• Project Everlasting page 165: “Perfect Strangers”
• Project Everlasting page 187: “Mute Point

Quotes

• “You are the master of your words until you speak them, then they become the master of you.” –Anonymous

• “I'm not concerned with your liking or disliking me... All I ask is that you respect me as a human being.” -- Jackie Robinson

• “Men are respectable only as they respect” -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

• If one is estranged from oneself, then one is estranged from others too. If one is out of touch with oneself, then one cannot touch others. -- Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Jokes

• My boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect. Later that morning he went to a local sign shop and bought a small sign that read, "I'm the Boss". He then taped it to his office door.  Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said, "Your wife called. She wants her sign back!"
• A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.  Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to awaken him for an early morning business flight.  Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper - "Please wake me at 5:00 AM."  He left it where she would find it.  The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9 AM and that he had missed his flight.  Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.  The paper said -  "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

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